So tonight is the first night I will see our students after the death of our Children's pastor. We're going to kick off the night with some worship, move into the video Nooma: Matthew, and then "Sit Shivah". Sitting Shivah is the Jewish mourning ritual of sitting with someone for seven days after a loved one has died. Sitting Shivah has two important purposes: honoring the dead and helping others deal with their loss. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone mourning is to just sit with them and be ready to listen. Job’s friends did this for him in Job 2:13 when he suffered a great loss and was in extreme mourning.
"Suffering the loss of someone we love can be the most difficult thing in life to deal with. One moment we have them and the next they’re gone. What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to feel? The truth is, there’s no certain way we’re “supposed” to feel. Whatever we’re feeling, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel shock, anger, denial or whatever we may feel. It’s okay. And if we don’t feel anything at all, that’s okay too. It’s okay to have no answers and no explanations. Because sometimes all the reasoning and comforting words in the world just isn’t what we need. What might help us however is to understand how Jesus dealt with this kind of loss." - Rob Bell, Nooma: Matthew
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"
John 11:33-36
Steps to Journeying through Grief
1. Accept your feelings.
Whatever you’re feeling in this moment, it’s okay. It’s okay, it’s okay to feel numb, it’s okay to feel angry, shock, denial. It’s okay to have no answers, and no explanations, and maybe even no words. These are all natural reactions. Be gentle with yourself rather than criticizing your reactions. You have enough pain in your life. Don’t inflict any more upon yourself.
2. Let other people help you.
It’s easier to deal with grief when you can find someone to talk to about it. Think of someone who might be willing to listen in an understanding and supportive way. Is there a parent, pastor, Herd leader, or friend you would be comfortable talk to? Find people with whom you can laugh and cry and share memories of your loved one. Together you will begin to mend each other’s hurts.
3. Draw on God for healing.
When someone you love dies, it’s not unusual to feel angry at God: “This isn’t fair! You’re supposed to be a good God! Why did you let this happen?” Let God know you are hurt. You don’t need holy words – just speak from your heart. God understands your pain and suffers with you.
4. Be patient with yourself.
Grieving has many stages, which might include shock, numbness, denial, depression, confusion, fear, anger, bitterness, guilt, acceptance, hope. These stages come in any order, any number of times. Give yourself time to move through grief at your own pace and in your own individual way.
5. Express your thoughts and memories.
Write a letter expressing your thoughts, feelings, and words of appreciation. Tell her what she meant to you. Say the words that you didn't get a chance to say but always wanted to.
May you realize that Jesus wept.
And may you come to see that whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay.
May you make the choice not to become bitter and closed, but open.
And may you realize that God is sitting shivah* with you, fully present,
Grieving your loss… but also restoring.
And in that, may we find hope. - Rob Bell, Nooma: Matthew
